


five times it ended bloody, and one time it didn't

by Allthefeels_itsmeh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5+1 Things, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Sam's Deaths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29979960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allthefeels_itsmeh/pseuds/Allthefeels_itsmeh
Summary: "This ends one way for us, Dean. It ends bloody."Sam believes this with every fiber in his being, only because it has ended bloody so many time before.five times it ended bloody, and one time it didn't.
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 1





	five times it ended bloody, and one time it didn't

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so i was originally going to post this in one chapter, but then i just got antsy and wanted to post something, so i guess it's gonna be like, 6, (maybe 7?) chapters at the most. they are gonna be pretty short chapters, just for the record lmao.   
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: There is some suicidal thinking in these chapters, so please be careful. It is not super detailed, but it is there.

The first time Sam died, he was stabbed in the back. Literally, and figuratively. He had somewhat trusted Jake Talley to not kill him, but his trust had been misplaced. Sam couldn’t exactly say he blamed Jake, he wanted to live. He was a soldier, like Sam had been raised, but for real, actually in a war, not against monsters, but humans. A whole other world of horrible on its own. Jake’s primary instinct had been to stay alive. 

Sam doesn’t blame him now. But then, what happened after was too much to not be angry about. Sam had trusted the wrong person, and he’d gotten himself killed. 

Then Dean went to Hell, because of Sam. So, thinking back, he was never really mad at Jake. He was angry with himself. And for good reason. 

But Sam thinks, even after Lucifer, and every other way he had been tortured and died, he would for sure never forget the very first death. The feeling of the knife, as it cut clean into the space next to his spine, but through his lungs and into his heart. He will never forget the helpless feeling of clinging to Dean as he fell, the feeling of not being able to breathe because the knife had punctured his lung, and because he was drowning in his own blood. The terror of his throat closing up and filling with blood that wouldn’t stop flowing, no matter how hard Dean pressed into the wound to stem the flow of blood from the outside. The pressure of the wound, suffocating him, and the cut, blood pouring from it, and Dean struggling to not get blood everywhere, but it was no use. 

Sam could never forget the sharp, copper tang in the air, the blood, filling his mouth and lungs, overwhelming his senses, and eventually killing him. It had seemed like it took years for the life to finally leave him, but in reality, he knew it had only been a few minutes before he had succumbed to the damage of the injury and died. He also knows that Dean would never forget this, even though it was many, many years ago. 

He would never forget because he had then made the biggest mistake of his life: saving Sam and going to Hell for him. (Sam made sure he never forgave himself for that one.)


End file.
